In Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” books, the orcs and trolls and bad guys all spoke their own language, right? So why then in the movies do they all sound like cockney chimney sweeps? They call each other “slags” and say things like “let’s have a bit of fun” and “meat’s back on the menu, boys!” Wouldn’t it be scarier to subtitle the language of Mordor (like they do for the fucking elves) instead of making them all sound like factory workers from Liverpool?

By the way, I’m sitting at home alone at like 9:45 on a Saturday night, so this post probably means I should just kill myself.