To a native Oklahoman, almost to a man, there is nothing easier to spot in all the world than a foreigner. The alien in question need not be of far-flung descent to prick up an Okie’s ears; be you from Dubai or Des Moines, you will soon notice your new disarmingly talkative acquaintance plying you [...]

Every time I get stuck behind somebody cruising too slow in the fast lane on the interstate, I fantasize about ramming them from behind, mashing on the gas and pushing them screaming and terrified through the guardrail into oncoming traffic where they’re crushed like a soup can by a speeding 18-wheeler. Is that like, too negative?

In the history of professional sports franchises, the Cincinnati Bengals stand alone for one, unimaginably stupid-ass reason: their uniforms try to make them look like the thing they’re supposed to be. The New England Patriots, for instance, have a picture of a patriot on their helmets. The Miami Dolphins have a picture of a dolphin [...]